Tuesday Aug 12

The letters and cards
that I receive from some
girls make me believe that
there is still something in
me that attracts them.

But what is it? I am so
lonesome.

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Matt's Notes

The long months of mourning and worry since his father's death in May have taken their toll on Papa. He must feel burned out, used up, old. Why else would he talk about his attractiveness to women in the past tense and wonder how they "still" find him attractive?

Another question, too, is why, if so many women show their interest in him, does he dismiss their attention? Why does he find it impossible to see past his loneliness, imagine an end to it? Have his father's death and his family's struggles back in the old country made him feel like he's committing some crime because he's alive and active in a vibrant place like New York? Does he think a criminal such as he doesn't deserve to be happy?